These 7 things a pregnant women never want to hear

 When a woman gets pregnant, she realises that suddenly everyone around her is full of pieces of advice, sometimes even men. They would make jokes about pregnant pauses, with a theatrical pregnant pause. Yeah, sorry, couldn’t resist that. But if you are the relative of someone who has a bun in the oven, these are the faux pas you must never make:

Do not go off on a tangent about your pregnancy – especially in front of first-timers.

It is not a preggo-friendly subject to tell a pregnant woman—especially a first-timer—that you could not get your epidural on time and had to feel the whole thing. Specifics of how excruciatingly long and/or traumatic your labor was, are not even marginally beneficial to first-time moms-to-be who are still afraid of what will happen when the baby makes her big entrance. Also, please do not mention how many stitches you got. These all things will terrify her. While you do not have to lie, just simply save the details for after she has given birth.

” Are you sure you are not having twins or, better yet triplets?”

You think you are clever and funny with this remark, but we promise you are not—and you are not the first person to make that “joke” to her. Normal pregnant bodies come in all shapes and sizes (as do all non-pregnant bodies).  If she has a larger belly than a micro-bump, she does not want you to point it out to her. Although it is perfectly normal and safe to gain weight during pregnancy, some expectant mothers can find the physical changes difficult to cope with emotionally. So, do not go playing Sherlock Holmes -telling her something she does not already know. There are not eight babies in that room. (She’d already double-checked with the ultrasound technician!)

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 “Are you scared? It’s going to hurt too much, and there will be so much blood!”

Yes, she is probably scared unless she is already given birth. Because of your unhelpful childbirth horror stories, she is perhaps sweating at night just thinking about it. Pregnant women already have many concerns for their baby and themselves, which keep them up at night; you kindly do not add to that. Skip this line of conversation if you do not have any useful tips to give, such as how to make the process a bit more relaxed.

 “Wow, you are so small to be that pregnant!”

This is the other side of the pregnancy body-shaming, and it can be misinterpreted. You might think the mother-to-be’s bump is enviably tiny (or you are probably being passive-aggressively judge-y), but she will probably get concerned that something is wrong with her pregnancy or that she is not gaining sufficient weight to nourish her developing baby. Almost any mention of body image can be interpreted negatively by a pregnant woman. So, avoid any conversation that makes her consider how much (or how little) area she takes up in a room. Tell her she is beautiful, no matter what size she is.

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“We are going on a night out! Oh, I wish you could join us.”

Do you know what they say about assuming? Yeah. While your pregnant friend understands— she is married, she is about to start a family, and food is a frenemy right now. And she may not join you on the next girls’ night out—because (1) she cannot drink, (2) different parts of her body are playing the pain orchestra, and (3) she prefers sleeping to going out. But that does not mean she does not want to be asked. Pregnant women, like anyone else, should go out, dance, and have a good time. Just because she is carrying a little one, do not assume that she does not want to come.

 “Oh, is it alright for you to eat that?”

Pregnant women indeed need to change their eating habits, but not everything must be avoided. Do not chastise her if she reaches for a slice of brie. Most imported cheeses in North America have been pasteurized, making them healthy to consume. Unless she specifically requests your opinion, believe that she knows what she can and cannot eat and that she doesn’t want her choices controlled by you or someone else.

 “You dropped the food right on your baby bump!” Or “Oh your bump is stained with food.”

Stop right there before the sentence leaves your mouth. Remember you must not play Sherlock, right? Pointing out a giant food stain right on her protruding belly, which seems to get in the way of almost all these days, makes her feel self-conscious and awkward. Do not bring it up. She notices it. She understands her day seems to revolve around eating, which it does. Any top she owns by the eighth month is practically a wearable napkin. But at the very least, let her act as if no one else is paying attention.

Pregnant women are going through a lot of changes be it physical or emotional. So, refrain from making a joke about them, pointing out the obvious. When you do not know what to say- silence is golden.

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